When the license arrived, they found they could easily use

Ups That Are Funny Yet Terrifying

canada goose uk When most people picture trying to steal stuff from the FBI, they buy canada goose jacket imagine a heavily trained group of black ops specialists, hardened muscle criminals, and a buttload of lasers. The Citizens Commission to Investigate the FBI a group of peace activists determined to break into FBI offices in Pennsylvania in 1971 was nothing of the sort. canada goose uk

Their plan sounds like something a character in a movie would come up with to signify that they’ve been cheap Canada Goose legally declared stupid. They figured they’d just pick the locks. When that didn’t work, their next bright idea was to stick a note on a door requesting that it be left unlocked that night. When they came back hours later, presumably expecting to find it locked as usual so they could loudly conclude that they gave it their best shot and go out for drinks instead, they found that. someone actually left it unlocked. By a miraculous stroke of luck, whoever was working security at the office that night was even dumber than they were. The burglars were so happy that one of them proposed leaving a thank you note, but in the end, they decided caution was the order of the day, not cheekiness.

It’s not like this was some lowly lackey’s office, either. They made off with classified documents revealing everything from illegal surveillance of peace activists to plans to https://www.kabbalah-arizal.nl drive Martin Luther King Jr. to suicide. Not only did they never get caught, they revealed themselves in a press conference in 2014, after the statute of limitations on their crimes had passed. J. Edgar Hoover was almost certainly rotating at high speed in his grave, since he had ordered 200 agents after the burglars with nothing to show for it, and the exposure of his little pet COINTELPRO project was the direct result of the thousands of files the burglars mailed to Congress and newspapers around the country.

canada goose stockists uk We’re not diplomatic experts, but we’re still pretty sure that counts as an oopsie. responded by promising a joint investigation and releasing some top secret documents a few months later on the Pentagon website. Canada Goose Outlet However, the documents were next to useless, because cheap canada goose nearly 90 percent of them had been redacted that is, until someone managed to unscramble them, revealing to the public exactly which American soldier had shot Nicola. This must have been a genius feat of hacking, right? They must have used at least two keyboards at the same time. canada goose stockists uk

canada goose outlet vip We never miss an opportunity to shit on this clip. canada goose outlet vip

canada goose jacket outlet toronto Nope, anyone familiar with the easiest functions of Word could have done it. It seems some Pentagon desk jockey thought that simply highlighting the classified portions of the document in black was how one performs redaction. Some intrepid computer geniuses that is, a few random Italians who read the report found that when they highlighted the “redacted” text, it miraculously appeared. government released a 28 page report about espionage risks to the country, which seems on its face to be the least likely place to mine for comedy. defense contractors about an insidious new threat: Canadian coins with nanotech radio transmitters inside them. defense contractors visiting Canada and could be used to track their movements. Could our friendly neighbors to the north be spying on us? For what possible reason? Proprietary hockey secrets? canada goose jacket outlet toronto

Royal Canadian MintEveryone knows that the secret to employing clandestine technology is to make it visible from across the room.

canada goose outlet parka No reason, it turns out. A Canada Goose Jackets few months later, the Pentagon quietly called “false alarm” and refused to explain further. The reason became clear after some journalistic digging uncovered documents revealing that the so called “nanotechnology” was nothing but a protective coat to keep the red paint from rubbing off. They had apparently failed to notice that not only had 30 million of these commemorative coins been minted, but they had also been in circulation for two years before they started freaking out. They were going strong in the canadian goose jacket early 2000s, during the frenzy to blame Canada Goose Online the Columbine shooting on Canada Goose Parka anything other than, you know, guns. It was in this climate that some bored pranksters created God Hates Goths, the website of a Westboro Baptist Church like organization dedicated to destroying Hot Topics and their shoppers across the land. canada goose outlet parka

cheap canada goose coats uk Federal Bureau of InvestigationThey were supposedly based on the real yet insane book The Witch Hammer, which ironically seems like the kind of thing most goths would be into. cheap canada goose coats uk

It was clearly satire, and spelled out as such right on the “About Us” page. Unfortunately, some earnest goth didn’t get it and reached out to a moderator of Canada Goose online the group’s Yahoo page. They could have admitted it was a joke, but trolls gotta troll, so they told the unwitting goth that the group had already committed numerous crimes, such as poisoning disabled children and burning down nightclubs in several cities. So the goth reported them to the FBI, which launched a full scale investigation based on the word of canada goose uk shop some rando on the internet. So, you know, definitely don’t tuck that information in your back pocket for hilarious means.

The investigation hit a dead end, however, when contacting the local police where the moderator said the crimes were committed turned up no such incidents. For two years, they were flummoxed by how such a brazen group could have escaped cheap canada goose uk police attention. Then someone got the bright idea to look at the website. Everything suddenly became clear, and the FBI closed the case on the grounds that the government doesn’t investigate bad jokes. soil, nuclear guitar riffs, etc. is secure, at least nuclear materials are safe from terrorists, right? You know the answer by now.

Steve JurvetsonMaybe you’d just be happier not knowing.

In 2007, the Government Accountability Office (GAO) had sent investigators to to get around the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and obtain radioactive materials illegally, and the answer was “Oh my God, way too easy.” All they had to do was set up a fake company and apply for a license to buy nuclear materials, which promptly showed up in the “company” mailbox less than a month later. The Regulatory Commission didn’t even bother to run a basic check on the company first, which would have revealed that it had no office, employees, or anything else that would distinguish canada goose clearance sale it as legit. They were treating nuclear materials like a Loot Crate.

canada goose outlet orlando It’s scary enough to know that the barrier to getting any amount of nuclear material from the government is “asking nicely,” but the investigators weren’t content to stop there. When the license arrived, they found they could easily use “commercially available” equipment to modify the license and therefore buy an unlimited amount of radioactive material (presumably a pen to cross out the amount and write in “unlimited”). Then they went ahead and bought some. Figuring that possessing enough material to build “a bomb that would have contaminated an canada goose coats on sale area about the length of a city block” was deeper than they were willing to go, they called off the entire scheme before the materials were delivered. canada goose outlet orlando

That’s objectively, pants soilingly, cross yourself terrifying, but there is good news. After the Regulatory Commission was made aware of their flagrant failure, the scheme didn’t work a second time. So, um. sleep tight.

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